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I miss…

February 8, 2014

I carry on with life with the brave and unfaltering spirit of a single independent girl. And I do sincerely believe that sometimes people, especially women in India, sacrifice a lot more than they gain in a relationship. I have basked in the glow of being in a relationship and loved it, as also dealt with the pains that this package deal brings. But, I have come to believe that I want to do many things with life which would only be deterred by a committed relationship at this point and so I am happy. But sometimes

I miss having that someone who always has a seat beside you at dinner tables with friends.

I miss having that someone whose message makes your heart skip a beat, even if that message is a simple “gm” or “luv u”.

I miss having that someone who can’t wait to see you again, who gets angry when you can’t make in time for him. I miss the conversation that follows where you calmly explain him to give you space, when in reality, you are just happy that he wants to spend time with you.

I miss having that burning jealously when he talks to someone and the soothing warmth when he assures you that you are the one.

I miss having that late night drama over little things, having fights which you amend at 3 am. I miss having that edgy feeling if the amends are not made at 3 am and there are no calls the next morning.

I miss having that someone who so beautifully slips his arm around you among his friends.

I miss having that someone who cares about you first, that someone who would specifically ask you if you need anything and not to the general crowd.

I miss having those unexpected kisses when you are furiously speaking and all the anger melts at the contact.

I miss having that someone whose hand you can hold whenever you please.

I miss having that someone whose every move catches your eye, whose voice sounds like symphony and sometimes dark chocolate.

I miss having that someone for whom you could get ready in front of a mirror for hours and when he says you look beautiful, simply saying “Really..I just put one some clothes.”

I miss having that someone who would always be there to talk to you, to cheer you up when you are down.

I miss having that someone who would grab you by your hand, and kiss you in a way that would make you believe you are flying.

I miss having that someone who would make the other girls jealous.

I miss having that someone who would always be the one to drop you, get water for you and be a gentleman instead of some random friend.

I miss having those long phone conversations after which you still wish to talk more and already miss him as soon as you keep the phone.

I miss having that goofy grin while texting that makes it obvious to your friends that you are texting him.

I miss staying awake after a party with friends just to have the traditional phone conversation.

And most of all, I miss the feeling of being loved by one man, who knows you, your secrets and shortcomings and you know his. When nothing matters against the crazy hedonism of being in love and no logic or thought finds place because every logic and thought is overthrown by happiness.

I am not saying that everything in a relationship is sunshine with no dark clouds but sometimes I miss the sunshine of the relationship. I wish that the sunshine would come to me right now without the dark clouds of distrust and fear and I could embrace it. But alas….when has sunshine ever come without trouble…

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